This Grand Adventure Called Life

Warning: This is the longest blog post of my life (or at least it took me the longest to write, seeing as I started writing it in May)....prepare yourself now because this could be rough.  

I started this blog post a  few months ago but things happened so fast I couldn’t seem to keep up with my life.  Hopefully, I can sum it all up now before the next life adventures begin.  

For the most part, my life was/is pretty boring. Not a whole lot going on, ever. 

This past year and a half is an exception. I graduated from nursing school, moved to Minnesota to start work as an RN,  had open heart surgery, moved back to Utah, and started work as an RN Primary Children’s Medical Center on the Neuroscience Trauma Unit.  Makes me tired just typing it all.  

Let’s rewind a bit to when I started typing this up…My amazing little sister (mentioned in a previous post) is serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  She is in the Manchester, New Hampshire Mission.  Here is a link to her blog if you ever want to check it out.    

http://mysistermissionary.blogspot.com/ 

In order to spend some time with her before she left I got some time off work and headed to Utah.  I was only able to stay for a week, but we had a wonderful time. We toured Sweets Candy Factory,  ran a 5K, went to Super Pump classes, went to Mission Prep classes together, built an awesome fort, went shopping, ate yummy food, got family pictures taken, took a few naps, cut Elaine’s hair, tried out the XBOX Kinect, ate our last meal at Wendy’s and had to say goodbye for the next 18 months.  It was a long and emotional, but wonderful week.  

First major-ish run since surgery.....5K in the pouring rain. AMAZING

Pretty much the coolest blanket fort EVER

Elaine asked for a haircut......

The week turned out to be even more adventurous than expected when I got a call from the float pool manager at Primary Children’s Medical Center.  I’ve been applying there for so long and never expected anything to happen until I had a full year of nursing experience, so the call came as quite a surprise.  I got an interview with them and with a few phone calls was able to get an interview for the Neuroscience Trauma Unit (NTU) at Primary Children’s as well.  

I had these interviews the day before I left.  I felt pretty good about how the interviews went, and although the NTU  was/is my dream job, I didn’t expect to get an offer and didn’t plan on taking it unless they would be willing to wait until I finished my year here at Mayo.  

All of those thoughts went completely out the window when I got a phone call the next day and was extended a job offer to work on the NTU! Pretty sure I almost peeped my pants Don’t worry mom, I wasn’t on the fourth wheeler ;-) 

Although I wasn’t planning on taking the job (because I knew they wouldn’t wait until I finished my year) I couldn’t say no.  This truly is my dream job.  I been working in neuro for a few years and have always dreamed of working at Primary Children’s.  I am so grateful that although it took a few unexpected twists and turns to get there, God has led me not only to where I need to be, but where I want to be. 

That news changed everything. I didn’t dread leaving my family and heading back to MN because I knew in a month I would be back home.  I was so happy and amazed at how things worked out so perfectly.  Not only in this instance, but they have workout out perfectly throughout my whole life.  I know that I am being watched over and directed where I need to go. 

Hanging out at Wendy's eating our last meal together for the next 18 months!

The HARDEST goodbye!

Shortly after getting back to MN I celebrated my 6 month surgiversary (now coming up on 9 months in Sept.)! I cannot believe it has already been that long.  Wilbur (or at least a small part of him) is holding up well.  I truly feel better than I have in a long time. I actually feel wake when I get up; I have so much more energy to exercise (not that I've been doing much of that lately); and while I always love a good nap, I am taking a whole lot less of them.   To celebrate the special day Ashley and I grilled up some steaks and cooked some chicken Rice-a-Roni (I decided to abstain from pork products, given the occasion).  They were mighty delicious! Sadly we both had to work, so it was a pretty low key celebration. 

I tried my best  to live it up with my favorite roommate ever, Miss Ashley Ann Langford, before I headed home. I knew the day would come when we would no longer be roommates, but never did I expect it to some so quickly.  We grilled steaks quite frequently to celebrate our last few weeks together. We also had few birthday parties (both for me).  I miss her so very much! I will always cherish the time we spent together and am hoping for many more adventures with my 'sista wife fo life'.

 

Birthday Party at 1 AM. Best surprise ever after a LONG night at work

Some amazing photos from a CRAZY lightening storm

Perfect timing

First of many rest stops on our journey to the West

Ashely and her BIG buddy! 64 oz doesn't even phase her

Cones  and crowns from BK

While figuring out moving my stuff, wrapping things up at my current job, and getting things ready for my new job, it came time for my Sister Dixon to report to the MTC.  I knew the day would come, but never wanted to say that goodbye. I was able to FaceTime with her as they dropped her off and she started her wonderful mission experience. 

I am so proud of her for this decision and for the type of person she is to be able to do this.  She is my best friend and I love her more than she will ever know. She is definitely the most loving, sweet, and pure person you will ever meet. She has been doing great and gives me so much strength with her emails and the testimony she shares. If you want to follow her mission adventures here is (another) link to her blog. She writes some great letters that are sure to inspire.

http://mysistermissionary.blogspot.com/ 

Can't help but smile when I see my beautiful sister

I have now been working at Primary Children's for 2 months and I love it so so much! I have SOOOO much to learn, but I can honestly say I love going to work.  It seems like things have finally started to slow down a bit, which I am kind of enjoying.  I am sure it won't last too long.

In all that has happened this last year, I have truly come to know that God is watching over each of us. There is no way I could deny that after the experiences I have had.  Every moment of every day he making things happen in our behalf.  He cares about us and blesses our lives in so many ways (often unrecognized). I didn’t always have the best attitude about going to MN, but I am forever grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows exactly what I need in my life and finds a way to offer it to me. I am far from deserving, but very grateful for the direction and guidance I’ve been given. I don’t think I will ever be able to truly express how grateful I am for all that happened this last year and all those who helped me through it. 

I look forward to this next year of my life and am excited to see what is in store for me.  I don’t know what could compare to the adventures I had this last year, but I guess we will have to wait and find out. 

Reality Check: Life goes on

I would like dedicate this blog post to my Aunt Laurie (sorry it took so long),

First off, where in the heck did January and February go?!? I feel like I’ve been in a time warp.  The past few months have flown by way too fast, but they were definitely a wonderful few months!

My trip home seems like it was ages ago and just yesterday at the same time.  I made it home to Utah Dec. 18^th.  It was so so so wonderful to be there. It was weird because it felt like I never left. Like my life in MN and everything that had happened out here was a dream. I was back at home, such a comforting and happy place.  It was exciting to see family, friends, and neighbors that I hadn’t seen in what seemed like forever.  Most of my time home was spent hanging out with family and friends, shopping, and eating lots and lots of good food. All necessary things for a good recovery.  I did have to squeeze in cardiac rehab weekday mornings and weekly blood tests to make sure my rat poison (Coumadin) was keeping my blood nice and thin. Many thanks to my chauffeurs who took me to all these wonderful appointments and everywhere else I needed to go. You know who you are!

Life was interesting following my surgery. What I had gone through hadn’t fully hit me. I felt very good, given the circumstances, and wanted to live my life as a ‘normal’ person, (whatever that is supposed to mean).  I found myself frustrated with the fact that I couldn’t drive, I couldn’t shouldn’t lift things. I felt pretty much useless when things needed to be done. It was hard to be so dependent and unable to help yourself or those around you.   

It was definitely a learning experience and I hope I can remember the things I learned for heart surgery round 2, whenever that happens. I learned a lot (and continue to learn a lot) of patience, especially with myself.

I learned : 

• sometimes being strong means accepting your weaknesses- (still a work in progress).
• I am one very very lucky and loved individual.
• I have such an amazing group of family and friends who support me and continue to do so much for me! Please forgive me for not thanking you more and being more appreciative while I was home.  I wouldn’t have made it through without you all.
• that getting frustrated by those who are trying to help is ridiculous because they are doing it because they love you so much.
• even if you don’t want help, you probably need it.
• If you feel babied or overly worried about, its because people love you. 
• to be patient with others because even if you (thought you) felt ok with all that had happened, that wasn’t always the case for everyone else. 
• that walking on a treadmill can be very very hard work, even if its only for a few minutes and a slow speed.
• recovery takes time, like so many things in life. You have to work for it and wait for it and you can’t get something for nothing.
• I love Hawaiian food and malasadas, (thanks Elaine)!
• that you can NEVER have too much Cafe Rio.

It has been a month since I started writing this post, (oops), and I continue to add more to the list of wonderful things I am learning. It sure is amazing how God knows exactly what ways you need to learn and grow and knows exactly what will help you accomplish that.

Physically, I am doing so well now.  I started off walking on a treadmill for 6 minutes at a slow speed. There were many days when I wondered if I would ever get better and if I would ever be able to handle exercise like I did before.  I am so happy to say that with time, that does come back.  I have continued to attend cardiac rehab and am now walking on a 15% incline, 3.5-4 mph, and for 35 min.  I also ran a mile for the first time a few days ago, which was great considering a few weeks ago slowly jogging for 3 min nearly did me in.  I feel so much stronger now and can really tell that this surgery has helped me out a lot, in ways I never knew I needed.

Ok, back to my trip to UTAH!!!...

I had a wonderful Christmas with my family! I am so happy I was able to spend time with them at Grandma’s house! I would have been really sad if I had to miss that wonderful holiday tradition. I also had fantastic new years with my dad’s side of the family and was so glad I was able to party it up with Phil and Carolyn when their family came to town. 

For the most part, life was wonderful. I didn’t have to work and I was having such a good time being with the people I loved. I never wanted it to end! I had this secret hope that somehow, some way, I wouldn’t have to move back to MN, that I would be able to stay in Utah.  As my departure date got closer and closer that fantasy became less and less real until I was packing up my bags to head on my way.  I’m not going to lie, I wasn’t very happy about it at all. Hurray for my angel Ashley who had a flight to back to MN with me.  My mom put her in charge of keeping me from going AWOL. 

The first few weeks back were rough. I didn’t want to be here! I didn’t have any work yet, I didn’t want to do anything but go back to Utah and be with the people I loved, (not that I don’t love people out here because I do).  As time has gone on, things have been getting better and better. I am working at the clinic building downtown scanning papers into the computer so they have an electronic copy of research information. I recently graduated from scanning and get to do some data entry too….yahoo!   It doesn’t sound all that fun, and its not, but despite not wanting to go back to work I am so glad I was able to.  It makes a huge difference to actually feel like you are contributing to something in life.

I guess I hoped for a lot of things to change with this heart surgery deal. Mostly selective changes, though.  Even thought I wanted to live like a ‘normal’ person, how could life just continue as it had before?  How could I just go back to the daily grind, as if nothing happened? I found myself almost wanting to be sick again so I didn’t have to go back to that reality. Although a lot of my day to day activities haven’t changed, I have and continue to change because of what I went through. I hope these changes are for the better.

It is finally all starting to hit me now… I never thought it would.  I had open heart surgery!!!! I am not the same as I used to be. This will be a part of who I am for the rest of my life. I am not sure in what ways it will affect me most.  Along with the physical changes, I hope that this has brought about some overall life changes as well. Life is so precious, and I am so grateful for the perfect timing of all these events in my life. I am grateful that I was here in MN, with such a wonderful roommate and the best doctors and surgeons in the world. I am so so blessed and need to be better about continually recognizing that and letting others know when they bless my life, because so many people do.  I have finally realized accepted that yes, major surgery and recovery is hard (both physically and emotionally). I also realize that so many others deal with a lot more difficult stuff than what I went through and handle it so much better than I ever could.  Those people are heroes to me!

On a completely unrelated note, my favorite sister is going on a mission! She has been called as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and will be spending 18 months in the Manchester, New Hampshire mission.  She is one amazing gal and I am privileged to be her sister.  She has always been a wonderful example and even if she wasn’t taller than me, I would still look up to her so much! She is so strong, diligent, and has a spirit about her that cannot be ignored. Those people in New Hampshire should, in the words of Sister Dixon herself, 'consider themselves grateful' that she is headed their way! Sure love ya, Skip!

I had heart surgery....What the heck?

Its the weirdest thing, just over one week ago I was heading into St. Mary's hospital to have open heart surgery. Now I am sitting at home (in MN) on my comfy couch trying to decide if it really happened. I feel great. Yes, I am still a bit sore, tire out easily, and take more pills than (and some of the same pills as) my grandma, but I surely don't feel like I had open heart surgery a week ago. One day I am sending pictures home showing my family how happy I am after finishing up my first shift on my own as an RN. I couldn't in my wildest imaginings have pictured myself on the flip side of things only 5 days later.

After my first official shift on my own as an RN

I have felt ok with this whole heart surgery deal since the beginning...I thought as surgery got closer it would become a bit more real and that I might get a bit scared or something (seeing as I've watched a few surgeries and hated so much about it). However, that never happened and I decided that this would all hit me when I woke up after surgery.....but that never happened either. I am guessing that if it hasn't hit me by now, it never will. Maybe it will all seem a bit more real when I do this all over again in 15 or so years when my valve wears out. 

The night before my big date I decided to celebrate....with trip to Walmart (high class eh?), and dinner at Olive Garden. Ashley was able to get off work and come with us which was super great! Olive Garden was amazing! I had been on a low sodium diet and decided that with surgery being so close, I was willing to risk a few hours of heart failure for delicious bowl (or 2) of soup and lots and lots of salad and bread sticks.

My last dose of antibiotics

Increasing  my movie collection

Olive Garden! Yummy!

That night I received a blessing from my dad and Johnathan Bly. It was comforting to know that everything was going to be ok. I have felt that all along, but it was another great reminder.  I took my pink Hibiclens shower, squirted antibiotic goop up my nose, and talked to my friends and family back home before heading to bed for a few hours.

Fun stuff!

Friday morning came oh so quickly. I took another pink Hibiclens shower, gooped up my nose again, and headed to the hospital for my big date. We got all checked in and they led a whole group of us up to the surgical floor. It was interesting to look around and the group and wonder who in the group was having surgery and for what. Just another reminder that you never know what people are going through in life, even if you think you might. Yeah, I knew that a whole group of us were having surgery that day, but I knew nothing about what kind, what the expected outcome was, how long they had been battling medical issues...etc. It reminded me of a quote I've seen floating around pinterest..."Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" 

They brought us to a room where my beautiful gown was waiting. They even had a nice robe too, to protect the innocent bystanders. A nurse came, asked all the admission questions and took my vital signs. Shortly after that my buddy Tad from the pre-op area came to get me. I said goodbye to my mom, dad, and Ashley and headed off for my big adventure.  When we got to the pre-op area things started to hit me more than they ever had. I got on the stretcher, they covered me up with lots of warm blankets and a 'Bair Hugger' (only heart surgery patients get those while they are still awake! woot woot!).  While I was laying there my heart started to pound pretty hard and it hit me for a second that oh my gosh I am having open heart surgery. Then the ativan they had given me earlier started to kick in and everything was just fine. It wasn't long before they were wheeling me to the OR, 605 if I am remembering right. The anesthesiologist asked me if I was a mormon girl as we were heading out of pre-op. I answered yes and as we pulled into the OR he commented 'This is the place'. Not sure if it was coincidence or not..haha! As I was taken into the OR the experience I'd played out in my head so many times became reality. They took my robe, I moved over to the creepy lil operating table and they got to work taking my BP, strapping me in, prepping my arm for an Art-line, etc. Luckily I still had my PICC line so they didn't even have to poke me while I was awake. I remember them putting the oxygen mask on me and telling me to take nice deep breaths and I remember nothing after that. I have a pretty good idea of what when down though. I went to sleep. They stuck in an Art-line and IV. They intubated me, taped my eyes shut, put in a catheter, scrubbed me up with iodine, covered me with sterile drapes, and proceeded to cut me open and crack my chest. I would be really interested to watch an open heart surgery now. It is everything that happens after they crack me open that makes heart surgery seem so scary, but I slept through it all so maybe that why this will never hit me. 

    After surgery I went straight to the ICU, still sedated and intubated. I was hoping I would have some memory of what it was like to be on a ventilator, but I don't remember anything like that. I've got a few pictures and some video of it though.  I do remember the nurse telling me to hug my pillow and cough and I remember itching like crazy! My mom did a great job at scratching my back, arms, legs, and bum...yup, pretty sure I asked her to scratch it, and she did :) isn't she great? 

Sleeping Beauty (the sleeping part is true)

My happy button!

 I got up to the chair late Friday evening and it felt like I was awake most of the night with nausea and itching. It really wasn't all that bad though, I was expecting to be beyond miserable and most definitely was not. I remember one point in the night, however, when the nausea got super bad and I was on the verge of throwing up. Anticipating the pain of throwing up was probably as miserable as actually throwing up. I was sitting there, ready for the inevitable, when all the sudden my nausea went completely away. It was such a relief and I remember thinking about how many people had told me or my mom that they were praying for me and I believe that that was one of the many instances where I felt those prayers. Saturday morning 

I got up to the chair again and could have left the ICU first thing in the morning if the other floor would have had a bed for me. They did not so I hung out in the ICU, attempted to eat, went on a walk, ditched my art-line, and eventually got to go to another floor. I was feeling pretty good and was able to walk from the ICU to my new room.  Shortly after getting to my new room they came and pulled my chest tubes, which meant they were able to take out the catheter, and I was able to shower!

It always feels amazing to shower in the hospital. Not that the have wonderful showers or anything, but you always feel so gross and grimy and nothing beats that clean feeling a shower can bring.

The rest of my hospital stay was spent going on walks, napping, and watching movies. I could have gone home on Monday if it wasn't for my INR. I will be on coumadin for 3 months and it was taking a long time for it to get to a theraputic level so they kept me in the hospital on IV herparin until they got it all figured out. 

I got to go home on Wednesday which was fantastic. I surely don't feel like I had heart surgery a week ago and don't think many people would believe I did have heart surgery a week ago if they saw me and didn't already know. 

Before and after x-rays

In just a few days I get to head back to Utah and I am super excited. 2 1/2 months off work, Thanksgiving and Christmas off, and a month back home are only a few of the great things that have come from all of this. Not to mention I still have a great job with a whole new perspective and increased empathy for what patients go through.

Who knows what life will bring my way next? Whatever it is, I am sure it is nothing I could even begin to imagine. For now, though, I will just try and recover from life's latest adventure. 

The Fun Continues

Today was another fun and exciting day....if sitting in appointments can be considered fun. With Ashley and my mom around, it is usually quite entertaining. We met with the Cardiologist, Dr. Nishimura, this morning. He basically wanted to follow up with how things have been going since leaving the hospital. I haven't had any more fevers, chills, or night sweats, which has been heavenly. As we were wrapping things up he mentioned something about having negative blood cultures. I told him that the last blood cultures I had were in the hospital and he got a concerned look on his face. He said that he didn't feel comfortable sending me to surgery without negative blood cultures several days after stopping antibiotics. However, I still had one dose of antibiotics, blood cultures take 2 days to grow, and surgery was in two days. He said he needed to talk to the surgeon, but wanted to make sure he did what was best so there wasn't a chance of the new valve getting ruined.

Dr. Nishimura and Me

 We headed to get blood cultures, wondering if surgery would be pushed back, and for how long. We planned on waiting until our appointment with the surgeon later in the afternoon to find out the plan. While waiting for blood cultures we got a call from the doctor's secretary saying to come back up and see Dr. Nishimura after we were done. On our return visit he told us he had called the experts in the Infectious Disease department and the surgeon and both said it was going to be perfectly fine to go ahead with the surgery. I was so happy to hear that and am glad that as long as all goes well 'I'll be home for Christmas'.

I met with the Surgeon and his Nurse Practitioner in the afternoon. Dr. Pochettino went over the basics of the surgery and what he was going to do. He said there is a 50% chance the valve might be repaired, but I am just planning on it getting replaced and will be pleasantly surprised if the outcome is different. I got all my pre-op info, my Hibiclens wash for my pre-op showers, and some lovely antibiotic goop to stick up my nose, woot woot!  Things are starting to feel a bit more real now, but I don't think this is fully going to hit me until I wake up from surgery. 

A lil EKG action

Nothing facilitates roommate bonding (or bondage) like sitting at doctors appointments

Tonight Ashley and I built ourselves a little gingerbread house as part of our holiday celebrations and  my last nights of freedom entertainment. It  was a blast! I'm pretty sure the parts I did turned out a bit special, but if you don't look too closely it is quite a nice little scene. 

Tomorrow starts the big countdown and I am sure it is going to fly...but I'll be back in Utah with my family and friends before I know it.